I can hear the Blue Angels screaming above as they practice for this weekend's performance and I feel jealous. I wanted so badly to fly when I was young. Always wanted to be in the military, especially the Air Force, restrictions on female pilots be damned. Why did I hesitate? I was in the best shape of my life right out of high school--105 lbs of weight-lifting, running, tennis-playing muscle and 20/15 eyesight. I blame most of it on my then bf's dislike of authority groups. But then again, they probably wouldn't have accepted me then for the same reason I was rejected five years later. Ah, but to be able to fly through the skies at mach speeds, to serve my country like my father and grandfather did. If I could do it now, I would. I dreamed of performing at air shows and explaining how flying works to young kids. I never thought that those air shows at Hickam would be the closest I ever got to being a jet pilot.


There they go again...
obake: (Default)
( Aug. 2nd, 2001 08:38 am)
Definitely need a caffeine IV today.

Struggling... to... stay... awake... at... work...

Consciousness... fading... fading...
If I was a semi-technoliterate member of an ancient secret society and I was looking for a secure means of communication, I think I would use something like this live journal. No one would suspect, especially if all the messages were using a particular lexicon exclusive to the society. Just link all my 'friends' and voila, a way to communicate. What are the chances that anyone's going to stumble on the posts? And then what could they prove?
Nasreddin had a leaky ferry-boat, and used it to row people across the river. One day his passenger was a fussy schoolteacher, and on the way across he decided to give Nasreddin a test and see how much he knew.

"Tell me, Nasreddin, what are eight sixes?"

"I've no idea."

"How do you spell magnificence?"

"I don't."

"Didn't you study anything at school?"


"In that case, half your life is lost."

Just then a fierce storm blew up, and the boat began to sink.

"Tell me, schoolteacher," said Nasreddin. "Did you ever learn to swim?"


"In that case, your whole life is lost."
Happy Harvest!

'Tis the season to start saving up for winter holiday gifts. Much easier since I managed to get a rather significant raise out of my company. It's not tremendous, but it's enough to make me stick around for a while to see what happens. This whole "dynamic" company thing is kind of intriguing, though being almost 30, you'd think I'd have more of a "real job" by now (y'know, the one you're supposed to get once you graduate with a college degree). But since I intend to go back to school in the near future, maybe it's better that I stick with this for now as they're more likely to be lenient with a school schedule.

My jewelry making is going well. Tristan bought another rosary last night. I appear to be her rosary supplier :-) I must get down to J's tonight and drop off more pieces. I should also make contact with Gayle to see if it's possible to sell at Gargoyles.

Last night was Matt's Dark Sun game. It was totally fun even though half the party almost died (and Tyson's character did but was reincarnated). I like my tabletop games as it gives me a chance to hang out with folks outside of that other club. I made some curry with veggies, coconut milk and some gluten that Matt's mother gave me. It turned out pretty good. Good enough that I want to make it again in the near future. I could really go for some Cedar's right now. Mmmm, curry... the belly craves curry... I think it's funny that I never liked curry as a kid. Then suddenly it's the best thing in the world. Maybe it's an "acquired taste" thing.
Memories of Friends Going Away

Sunlight glancing through your hair,
a melody of autumn days gone by
strung together by falling leaves
and volleys of pine cones.
A shy smile, rising from lips to eyes,
a fountain of emotion that bursts
into belly-clutching laughter
and accompanying tears of joy.
Music like incense thrust into the air
swirls around closed eyes and parted lips
in the press of the velvet dance floor
as you move and glide, unheeding my gaze.
So it's that time of the month again when I obsess about the way I look. Am I too fat, am I too short, do I need a hair cut, should I buy more anti-acne soap, am I eating right, should I eat less, should I exercise more, why don't I look like a supermodel (ie 1% of the population), etc, etc. Hormones. I blame hormones. Deep down inside, I know I'm attractive and I know I can be sexy, so why do I worry? Hormones, I tell you. Or a primal sense of competition. Ah, the human animal. Someday maybe the apes will evolve and we will devolve. Or maybe we'll nuke ourselves into near nothingness and we'll have to start all over again, calling our near destruction a war of the gods.

What is it that causes us to create gods in our image who then create us in their image? Is it a desire to shed this mortal skin, the want to believe that there is something beyond the daily physical existence that is nothing more than an elaborate song and dance for necessary sustenance? Or did the gods create us so that they could be amused? If so, why do gods die out of existence? Wouldn't they keep reminding us of their presence?

Heh, being in pagan rituals occasionally makes me wax theological. I wish I was more tolerant of the pagan community at large. So much of the community seems contrived. I want to believe that they believe in what they preach, but how can they (we) expect christians to be tolerant of pagans when many pagans seem to take great pleasure in tormenting christians and throwing their doctrine in their faces? I'm tired of listening to the "they burned us at the stakes" argument. Why must faith be based on retaliation for past hatreds? I heard someone at the ritual say, "You mean I have to stand in the rain in order to meet the earth mother?" Funny, I thought we were trying to get back to the earth. Poor urban pagans with their muddy SUVs, out of range cell phones and rain-wet perms. Maybe I'm just arrogant, thinking of my barefooted days as a kid, hiking muddy trails to get to the best strawberry-guava trees, diving for limu and spear fishing on the reef, and showering in the rain to wash away the ocean salt. Maybe surviving two hurricanes, numerous tropical storms and multiple thrashings by 8-foot surf has given me a deeper respect for the forces of the earth. I don't know. I just get the feeling that there are pagans out there who are pagan just because their parents are christian and they want to freak them out. They talk the talk, but they're so self-focused that they don't understand what respect for the earth and its creatures means.

But here I am judging other people--throwing the first stones and all.

Hormones. I blame hormones.
obake: (Default)
( Jul. 26th, 2001 10:28 am)
So I'm sitting here at work with little to do once more. I'm on my second cup of coffee, read through the Seattle Times and CNN.com and found that the Games Workshop site is down again. Maybe they were hit with that virus that brings down networks. We got it last week.

On an excellent note, Miguel gave me two awesome compilation CDs that he made and I'm listening to them right now. Each new song just hits it right on the nose--I love 'em all. He knows just what I like to hear, maybe because we have practically the same taste in music. He's even got songs that I've been looking for for ages, like the 'New York New York' mix. Too kewl! Miguel's such an awesome guy. I'm going to miss him when he moves back to Texas. But, like I told Erica, I guess that means that I'll just have to write letters and keep in touch.

Someday I'll move away for grad school too, but I still have comfy chair syndrome. After this year of debt paying, we'll see where I'm at and where I can go...
obake: (Default)
( Jul. 25th, 2001 04:43 pm)
I'm hyped up on the caffeine, but still feeling sleep depped. It's kind of a weird feeling, but one that I've pretty much lived off of since high school. I read in the news that being sleep depped is bad for you, but I also read another article today that the CDC put grilled steaks down on their list of carcinogens. Soon the only thing deemed safe or healthy to eat will be pills and specially bottled water. Bah, I say, bah!

Been having weird dreams lately, probably a contribution to my sleep dep. Earthquakes and tsunamis in Seattle. Last time I had earthquake dreams, an earthquake really did happen. Coincidence? Well, we'll see in a couple of weeks whether I'm worthy of being the second Miss Cleo. Speaking of Miss Cleo, I hear she (or rather her 'psychic' business) is being sued for false advertising. The CNN article had some fun poking at the company being psychic, yet "not seeing it coming."

I have a OLOTEAS rehearsal tonight, but before then I'm going to pop by Miguel and Julie's place to do that Storyteller signing thing. Hopefully the rehearsal won't last too long (I have a small part anyway) and I'll be able to go over to Randy's for D&D. Or maybe I'll go home and catch up on sleep. Nah... why sleep when there are games to play.

Well, gotta go. Almost quitin' time...
obake: (Default)
( Jul. 22nd, 2001 03:19 pm)
Mmmmm... Sooo full. I can't believe that, with food being one of my favorite pastimes, I'd never been to the Bite of Seattle before. It was tummy heaven. I had Ben and Jerry's ice cream, chai, cheesecake on a stick, Korean BBQ and alligator on a stick. The cheesecake was perfect, but alligator is not something I think I'd eat on a regular basis given a choice. It tastes kind of like brackish chicken, but with the texture of overcooked scallops. Matt and I met up with Mike and Jesse after a while at the three-story tall blow-up Miller Lite bottle. Jesse met his nemesis, the cotton candy, and we all watched Mike meet The Man. The Bite is definitely something I want to do again and getting there early is the thing to do--much less crowded.

That's all for now. Must... digest...
Ugh. Morning.

I guess mornings wouldn't be so bad if my body clock wasn't timed to stay up until the birds started chirping. Odd thing is, if I get up when the birds start chirping (at like 4am) I'm fine. I just can't do this get up at 6am thing very well.

I've been thinking more about job things and such. Is it better to slave away at a job that I'm not real thrilled with, but good at, and make decent money or do something that I really like doing, work harder and possibly make less money? I'll be happier doing what I like, but money lets me pay rent and bills. I feel like I'm sitting in a great big comfy chair. It's so hard to motivate myself to get up. But if I do get up, I can change the TV from the mind-numbing info-network to a good movie. [Tangent: "This is my favorite show."]

Jenny was supposed to drop by last night and pick up some homebrew, but she didn't call or anything. Hm. I guess I'll just bring it with me to the game tomorrow.

Made another rosary last night with blue fiber optic beads. I've got another one on the beading board for tonight, but I have to stop by Fusion Beads or something to pick up some matching Hail Marys beads. I think I'll swing by the Shipwreck site too for more leaf beads. I promised J an artsy piece, but Tristan bought "In the Garden" out from under me. Not that I mind and I'm really happy that she likes it so much, but I have to make another for J. And I should stop by the shop sometime this weekend. I keep telling J that I will, but something always comes up and I can't make her store hours.

Anyways, off to Shipwreck and beading heaven...
So I've just gotten back to work after going home for lunch and I'm kind of in a weird mood.

I'm not really greatly dissatisfied by my current job or my employer, but, much like a startled rodent seeking to escape a certain watery doom, I feel that I must look for another place of employment. I've considered doing temp work for a while, just temp work--y'know, see new companies, meet new people and experience new things. On one hand it would give me time to work on my jewelry, but on the other hand, I think the instability would drive me to seek permanent placement sooner rather than later. One another hand, temp work would give me more flexibility to go to school, but on the other hand again, a permanent position will pay more. Hmmm... erg... life path decision...

On a much better note, I got to spend about forty minutes with my lovey love (who got to watch me scarf down a very messy homemade hamburger). Ah, my love, you make me sigh with happiness. *le sigh* I believe I am smitten...
obake: (Default)
( Jul. 19th, 2001 10:18 am)
Well, since folks have been sending me their live journal links, I broke down and got a live journal for myself.

I've never been one for journal writing. I always start one, but never keep it beyond a month or so. I always re-read it, get embarrassed for myself, rip out the pages and use the journal book for something else.

Maybe I'll be more proactive in keeping up this live journal than keeping up my web page. Ooo, I could make a link... next time I update my web page that is.